For Gabriel "FalleN" Toledo, retirement will bring an unfamiliar opportunity: time to discover a life beyond competitive Counter-Strike.
"The only life I know so far is the one where I see myself as a gamer," he told HLTV in Beijing, where he played his last ESL event. After more than a decade of living away from home to compete internationally, the Brazilian is looking forward to the everyday experiences his schedule has rarely allowed.
Years of traveling as a professional player have left FalleN longing for a more ordinary life. When the conversation turned to retirement, he spoke at length about the things he hopes to finally have time for.
"I think the thing that I really am looking forward to the most is to stay at home and do the normal things that everyone can do," he said.
His first international tournament brought him to Chengdu for WCG 2009. Seventeen years later, he has returned to China as his playing career draws to a close, bringing his journey full circle.
Listen to the interview here.
So you've been leading FURIA for quite some time, and the team has experimented with giving YEKINDAR more calling responsibilities as well. Having gone through that process, has it changed the way you think about your own role as an IGL?
I wouldn't say that it changed because I have been playing with him, but it definitely showcased some of my strengths because I have been able to lead other teams, including this one, share my responsibility inside the server and use other people's inputs and try to adjust how we think the game should be played. So it's great when I have pieces like YEKINDAR on the team because he's a strong opinion player. He knows what he likes to do and how the game could be played, and then we work well together. So I would say that having them strengthened my own abilities and what I'm doing.
Back in August, sidde said you'd started looking for your replacement player. Can you share any updates with us? Are you looking for a new IGL, or is YEKINDAR taking over still an option?
Now it's about time for mainly sidde and Nicholas guerri, who was our last coach, to actually do the moves and see who is going to be available in the next season, all those things, because it's coming close to the end of the season. I don't really know exactly which path we're going yet because it's not decided, to be honest. So I think they're already studying some opportunities, some players that could join us, but there's still many variables to check, so right now it's all speculation. We're going to have to wait a bit more.
And you've played with several generations of players. What do you think matters most for a young player trying to improve?
I think the most important thing is to be open-minded to learn. As soon as you think you already know everything, you're going to block yourself from learning new stuff, and that's when people are going to pass you, or that's when you're going to limit yourself to the level you are. So you need to be humble enough to know that there are different points of view in other players, and there is what's best and what's not best according to those views. And you need to be able to navigate through all those mindsets and through all those visions. And working hard, being patient, and believing that if you put enough of your heart and your hard work into something, at some point it can work. But, yeah, new players need to try to enjoy the game and be open-minded and humble enough to keep learning.
Throughout your career, you've been someone who takes responsibility not only for your own performance, but also for the people around you. As retirement approaches, do you find yourself thinking more about what you want to achieve individually, or about what you want to leave behind for your teammates?
That's a good question. More of the first one. Now it's time for me to really start a new life, to be honest. The only life I know so far is the one where I see myself as a gamer. I have been trying to play at a decent level since I was 13 years old, which is basically like 25 years ago, a little less, but 23 years ago. And I don't really know the other version of myself, someone who has time to actually do other things. All my time and all my heart has always been to Counter-Strike projects, either inside the server or outside the server. And now I'm going to have to first deal with the shock that's going to be having more time to do different stuff. And there is definitely a lot of pleasurable things I can do, mainly with my family, who I miss a lot. There's many times when I don't have time to stay with my wife, my dog, my brothers, my mother, and there's many people I would like to enjoy life with that I don't have time for, so that's a must for me. And secondarily, I need to see in which terms and how I can help to keep myself in Counter-Strike. There's many things I can do. And within time I'm going to find suitable things.
You posted something last night mentioning that your first international Counter-Strike tournament was in China. And that some moments here changed your career. Do you remember what that first experience was like, and what exactly made it more important to you?
Yes, definitely. The first one was in 2009. I was able to win a Brazilian qualifier for World Cyber Games, and the tournament happened in Chengdu. I was traveling with the whole Brazilian team. There was many athletes from other games, Guitar Hero, Need for Speed, Warcraft, everyone was traveling together, and it was my first time going outside of Brazil. I still remember the day when the first Chinese fan, 2009, wanted a photo with me, and I had never been outside Brazil, so I was like, "How the hell does he know me?" Right? Go ahead. How cool is that, right? I'm coming from a small city in Brazil, how on earth is someone in China... I still remember his face, and my memory sucks. So that's something quite remarkable for me because I normally don't have very many more memories. So it's been very cool, and I was always seeing other Brazilian players go outside and represent Brazil, and having the chance to do that in Chengdu at first in 2009 was amazing. And later on, winning in Chengdu as well last year was incredible.
You've seen Counter-Strike change so much over the years. Is there anything about the game today that you never imagined when you first started? It could be the events, the crowds, the fans, the stats, or even how teams prepare.
Yeah, definitely for me, the tools that you have to actually study the game are just so much more advanced now. Back in the days it was not possible to think like this, and you had to go through the demos, through the videos all by yourself, and it took much longer. So I think the tools really is something that I never imagined would be possible. But other than that, honestly, I knew Counter-Strike could be huge. When I first started playing Counter-Strike in the cyber cafes in Brazil, I had a feeling that this could go to the Olympic Games and this could become a new sport just because I could see every single aspect of a real sport in the environment that I was in. There was a lot about synergy between players, about different people being connected together. There was a lot of competition, which is always great. So I knew. I had a feeling like this is going to be huge. And luckily enough, I wasn't wrong.
I think we've talked about this before, but I'm curious, is there anything specific outside Counter-Strike you've always wanted to do but never had time for because of all the tournaments and the traveling during all these years?
First one of them is fishing. I went fishing like two or three times, and it's just very pleasurable. Just being in nature, with people you like and having some time together is amazing. I already have plans to do it next, this next year.
Oh, nice.
What else? I have recently started playing tennis, just for a few times, and that's something I got interested in. I'm going to have more time now in the end. I like learning new things. I'm trying to learn piano. I was trying to learn Mandarin a bit as well, and very early. Now I'm going to have time, probably going to get a teacher and learn a bit more. So yeah, I'm always trying to learn something, trying to challenge myself. But I think the thing that I really I'm looking forward the most to is to stay at home and do the normal things that everyone can do. Go to the shopping mall. Maybe watch a movie on a night that you don't expect to go. Go out with your wife for dinner. Other normal things that people can do, that for us it's just quite impossible to have.
Because of all the traveling.
Yeah, because as a Brazilian playing internationally, you have to live outside your home to be the athlete you need to be. And that's been my story for more than 12 years now.
And if you could go back to the very start of your career and give your younger self one piece of advice, what would it be?
That's a hard one. They always ask this question, and I always don't find an immediate answer. I would say just keep going. Keep going. Everything's going to be all right. Keep chasing your dreams, and just keep following your heart.
Makes sense. And when you were younger, what did Counter-Strike mean to you? And now that you are close to retirement, has that changed?
No, it definitely didn't change. Counter-Strike was something that appeared in my life very early on. I was 12 years old when I first started playing. My brothers took me to a cyber cafe, and there I just found myself in love with the fact that I could compete and try to self-improve myself in something, trying to showcase myself in something. And through Counter-Strike I was able to navigate through life since now. So I would say that my point of view on life is very Counter-Strike centered. I learn everything about myself and that's what I know so far through the game. So it didn't change anything. I still love the game so much. I think the game can change lives. I think we can connect to each other and connect as a society through this game. We can interact and meet so many different people. So it's such a nice atmosphere, and I don't have a single bad memory in all those 22 years regarding the community itself, regarding experience with other people. So I think we're blessed. We have a great community.
Gabriel 'FalleN' ToledoPast 3 months